Confusion, as usual

I sometimes feel like I am in the mood to bang my head against the table. This might be because of my ever-so-complicated-non-love-life. Or perhaps the tangled web. Since E's birthday we have slept together a few times. It is now a week until he goes to visit his actual (as opposed to secret, ie me) lady friend. He, his friend C, and I had drinks this evening. I foolishly sat across from them both thinking - the reason I want to sleep with C is because it seems like a challenge, slightly wrong (being E's friend) and because he might be nice to wake up to in the morning. I also then looked 8 inches to my left to see E and think - the reason I want to sleep with E is because it is a bit (but less so) of a challenge (bearing in mind time/place/morals/etc), slightly wrong (as he is involved with someone), and because I know he is nice to wake up to in the morning.

I am left feeling a bit pathetic and silly and home on my own. I didn't try to take either of them back - it didn't seem quite right. I could have invited them both back for further drinking, but then I would have just been confused, so there was little point.

And so it goes!