I feel as those I have lost myself somehow, sometime - possibly in the last six months or so. Friends have moved away and lost touch. Aspects of my life have fallen away. I feel a strong sense of dissatisfaction with my life. I feel as though the only thing in my life right now is work, and that is deeply uninteresting and unsatisfying. There is something very pathetic about it being the weekend and wishing away the weekend so I can get back to work with something to focus on, some sense of structure.
I met a man the other day. We had a bottle of wine, then went for a meal at a really cool and interesting art cafe that he recommended - more wine. We argued about the class nature of picket lines over dinner. We then went for another drink at a pub. We then went back to my place and had another drink and listened to math rock until 3:30am. It was the most fun and interesting evening I had in a while.
He asked if he could stay over, as it was late. We got into bed, had a bit of a drunken fool around, then went to sleep. We both had to go to work in the morning, but he woke up and had a shower then skulked out at about 7am - I went back to sleep. There was something very awkward about the morning, but then again, mornings are always awkward.
I didn't know if I really fancied him, or if I even wanted something like this, but I did get on with him and wanted a new friend. So two days later I texted him to invite him to say I was going to meet some mates in Camden if he wanted to join. Three hours he responded to say "Thanks for offer, I'll have to pass though. G". Maybe I am reading too much into this, but what the hell kind of text is that?
So I spend my weekends watching movies, wishing my life away until something happens.
