I have the first of three law exams in three days. I am very anxious, as I haven't sat an exam in, oh, about ten years. I wondered whether a booty call would relax me, but now I am having second thoughts, for a number of reasons:
1. Having to pre-arrange something in advance via facebooko/email removes an element of spontaneity. I sent E a message yesterday to see if he wanted to meet up tonight or tomorrow. He responded to say that either is fine and it is up to me.
2. This approach of pre-arranged, sober, let's just meet up to have sex sort of thing is making me a bit anxious, rather than relaxed - especially when I am already anxious about exams.
3. We never really made plans to hang out together before, so it clearly is only about the sex.
4. I would probably feel the need to have a few drinks in order to bring some order to chaos, or lubricant to what might seem like an odd situation, but in order to keep my brain fresh, it is probably better if I don't drink for the next few days.
5. I feel like I should get up early tomorrow morning, feeling fresh, in order to continue with my revision. this involves not waking up with someone else, perhaps slightly hungover.
6. I am worried that the sex will not make me feel better because:
a. I'm anxious and not relaxed, or
b. it will make me think of AJ and leave me feeling disappointed.
The fact that I can list 6 second thoughts is rather troubling, and i wonder if it would be better if I do not continue with any pre-arranged booty call prior to my exams.
Saturday, 2 May 2009
Friday, 1 May 2009
Thursday, 30 April update
My day continued yesterday with feeling pretty low about AJ. However, I ate some chocolate, had a shower, put on makeup, and got myself ready to go out to some sort of gig that E was involved in. On my way to the bus stop, I decided to buy a pack of cigarettes. I wasn't sure if I intended to smoke them, but I wanted the option.
I arrived at the gig and had all sorts of thoughts going around in my head. I was not far from AJ's flat, I wondered if I would see him, or one of his flatmates. I said hello to E and then he went off to chat with other friends. I started to get sweaty palms whilst thinking that I could always stop by AJ's flat to talk, or just go walk past. I decided to have a cigarette. It was a very satisfying cigarette - reminded me of the first cigarette that I had when I was 13. I started to feel a bit more calm.
As the evening went on, I drank a bit more, spent a bit more time with E and his friends, and decided that I wanted to learn to play the ukelele. E and I flirted a bit, talked about my general emotional turmoil, and he suggested (again) that we meet for a drink sometime. The evening wrapped up and I asked E if he wanted to meet me back at our local for one last drink. He cycled and I got the bus.
I arrived back at the pub, which was shutting up. I went and bought some cans from the and waited for E. He arrived, we stood drinking on the street before going back to mine. We went upstairs and started cuddling on the couch and snogging. We discussed the option of him staying over, but he was drunk and tired, and I was just tired and not really in the mood. I did however say that I could do with some rebound sex. E said he would be pleased to assist, as he thought I was a good fuck. We agreed to try to meet up sometime over the weekend in less drunken circumstances. He asked whether we should get some dinner as well, or whether that would be too much like a date. I shook my head - too date like. I wanted some friendly, fun, no strings rebound sex - it might be weird if we had dinner.
As E doesn't have a mobile, he is not the most convenient or spontaneous booty call. The only way for me to get in touch is to send him a message via facebook, which he may or may not get in a reasonable amount of time.
However, it definitely cheered me up to know that I could sleep with E if I want to. I felt the night was a great success because not only did I not sleep with him when I was feeling especially vulnerable, I arranged a booty call (despite the potential problems with contact). It was a great comfort to know that I coul revive a fling.
So I sent him an email to see if he wants to meet up for a drink sometime on Saturday or Sunday.
I arrived at the gig and had all sorts of thoughts going around in my head. I was not far from AJ's flat, I wondered if I would see him, or one of his flatmates. I said hello to E and then he went off to chat with other friends. I started to get sweaty palms whilst thinking that I could always stop by AJ's flat to talk, or just go walk past. I decided to have a cigarette. It was a very satisfying cigarette - reminded me of the first cigarette that I had when I was 13. I started to feel a bit more calm.
As the evening went on, I drank a bit more, spent a bit more time with E and his friends, and decided that I wanted to learn to play the ukelele. E and I flirted a bit, talked about my general emotional turmoil, and he suggested (again) that we meet for a drink sometime. The evening wrapped up and I asked E if he wanted to meet me back at our local for one last drink. He cycled and I got the bus.
I arrived back at the pub, which was shutting up. I went and bought some cans from the and waited for E. He arrived, we stood drinking on the street before going back to mine. We went upstairs and started cuddling on the couch and snogging. We discussed the option of him staying over, but he was drunk and tired, and I was just tired and not really in the mood. I did however say that I could do with some rebound sex. E said he would be pleased to assist, as he thought I was a good fuck. We agreed to try to meet up sometime over the weekend in less drunken circumstances. He asked whether we should get some dinner as well, or whether that would be too much like a date. I shook my head - too date like. I wanted some friendly, fun, no strings rebound sex - it might be weird if we had dinner.
As E doesn't have a mobile, he is not the most convenient or spontaneous booty call. The only way for me to get in touch is to send him a message via facebook, which he may or may not get in a reasonable amount of time.
However, it definitely cheered me up to know that I could sleep with E if I want to. I felt the night was a great success because not only did I not sleep with him when I was feeling especially vulnerable, I arranged a booty call (despite the potential problems with contact). It was a great comfort to know that I coul revive a fling.
So I sent him an email to see if he wants to meet up for a drink sometime on Saturday or Sunday.
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