I found one of his public hairs in my bed. I knew it was his because it was ginger. It just made me think of how much I enjoyed, genuinely enjoyed, sucking his cock. I don't know whether that will happen again.
I am back on the online dating site I used to frequent. Not because I want to date, but because I want to feel like I could if I wanted to. I browse the profiles designated by someone behind a screen as a potential match for me - I either don't like their pictures, just don't fancy them, or I do, but dismiss them for looking too hip for me. Shoreditch twat, graphic designer, guitar playing kind of hip.
It just makes me miss him all the more - terminally unhip and has a great cock.
Sigh.
Monday, 30 March 2009
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
Mood
Work annoys me. Boys annoy me. Boys who break my heart because they are useless and I feel forced to break up with them and they still don't call to try to make up annoy me.
Today was a day where it ended drinking free champagne, but I was still cranky. In fact it made me more cranky. The kind where I wanted to throw my phone against the wall again, but my phone is taking a beating lately.
So instead, I sit in bed, having skipped dinner, watching Secret Diary of a Call Girl Season 2, drinking herbal tea. That at least makes me feel a bit better.
Today was a day where it ended drinking free champagne, but I was still cranky. In fact it made me more cranky. The kind where I wanted to throw my phone against the wall again, but my phone is taking a beating lately.
So instead, I sit in bed, having skipped dinner, watching Secret Diary of a Call Girl Season 2, drinking herbal tea. That at least makes me feel a bit better.
Monday, 23 March 2009
Hello 2009 (one year on)
It has been over a year since my last post. I have thought about reviving this for some time, but various issues have gotten in the way - it is only now that I feel compelled.
Overview of the last twelve months:
early March 2008 - Went to house party, met a boy (AJ) and had interesting, but drunken talks about art history. Left with friends, brought friend J home with me. We just cuddled (he has a young girlfriend and they are loved up). In the morning he asked me what I was thinking about. "The cute ginger boy from last night" I said. "Good" he said.
Two weeks later - Had a house party for Easter. Invited cute ginger boy AJ, but he couldn't make it. Also invited various other men and women of interest. Ended up sleeping with the guy who lives across the street, whose name I never remember, who showed up at the party in bunny ears. To my releif, he left the next morning without suggesting we swap numbers.
One week later - Went on a Sunday day-date with AJ. It lasted 12 hours. We didn't even kiss. I was pleased but not positive whether I fanicied him.
One week later - Met AJ at a repeat of the house party where we first met. Got drunk, snogged, he came home with me, went to sleep as too drunk for anything else.
One day later - Spent all day with AJ - fucking in bed, talking, ordering pizza and eating it in bed, playing scrabble, drinking tea. Flatmate KT pulled me to one side and asked what was going on, I never let anyone stay past noon. He stayed until 10pm before going home. I felt very happy.
Time passed, we saw more of each other. We spent weekends in Brighton, a day in Oxford, I met his family, he went on a ten day holiday with me to America to meet my family, he invited me to spend Christmas with his family. I feel in love with him.
On Christmas eve he was laid off and he fell apart. We spent Christmas with his family, but it was ever so slightly strained by his job (or lack there of) stress. In January I was under a lot of pressure from work and he was too absorbed in his own self pity to be supportive. I became angry.
In a fit of frustration and misery, I gave him a two week deadline to start making attempts to sort out his life. After all, it had been a month and he hadn't even contemplated looking for a new job, or doing anything for that matter. We kissed and made up.
Two weeks became two months and he did nothing. And I mean nothing. I can't even contemplate that level of nothing. I dumped him the day after we had a fight that indicated to me that his depression had gotten to the point where he had no ability to think about me, my feelings or my needs. He had become completely absorbed into his depression and was letting his life slip away. He didn't even protest when I broke up with him.
Now, I am devasted. It has been two weeks and two days - all I can do is try to keep busy, to keep my mind occupied. I have never been so accepting of work stress (temporarily) because it keeps me from moping, sulking, and crying.
Thankfully, I have a very busy few weeks ahead of me.
Overview of the last twelve months:
early March 2008 - Went to house party, met a boy (AJ) and had interesting, but drunken talks about art history. Left with friends, brought friend J home with me. We just cuddled (he has a young girlfriend and they are loved up). In the morning he asked me what I was thinking about. "The cute ginger boy from last night" I said. "Good" he said.
Two weeks later - Had a house party for Easter. Invited cute ginger boy AJ, but he couldn't make it. Also invited various other men and women of interest. Ended up sleeping with the guy who lives across the street, whose name I never remember, who showed up at the party in bunny ears. To my releif, he left the next morning without suggesting we swap numbers.
One week later - Went on a Sunday day-date with AJ. It lasted 12 hours. We didn't even kiss. I was pleased but not positive whether I fanicied him.
One week later - Met AJ at a repeat of the house party where we first met. Got drunk, snogged, he came home with me, went to sleep as too drunk for anything else.
One day later - Spent all day with AJ - fucking in bed, talking, ordering pizza and eating it in bed, playing scrabble, drinking tea. Flatmate KT pulled me to one side and asked what was going on, I never let anyone stay past noon. He stayed until 10pm before going home. I felt very happy.
Time passed, we saw more of each other. We spent weekends in Brighton, a day in Oxford, I met his family, he went on a ten day holiday with me to America to meet my family, he invited me to spend Christmas with his family. I feel in love with him.
On Christmas eve he was laid off and he fell apart. We spent Christmas with his family, but it was ever so slightly strained by his job (or lack there of) stress. In January I was under a lot of pressure from work and he was too absorbed in his own self pity to be supportive. I became angry.
In a fit of frustration and misery, I gave him a two week deadline to start making attempts to sort out his life. After all, it had been a month and he hadn't even contemplated looking for a new job, or doing anything for that matter. We kissed and made up.
Two weeks became two months and he did nothing. And I mean nothing. I can't even contemplate that level of nothing. I dumped him the day after we had a fight that indicated to me that his depression had gotten to the point where he had no ability to think about me, my feelings or my needs. He had become completely absorbed into his depression and was letting his life slip away. He didn't even protest when I broke up with him.
Now, I am devasted. It has been two weeks and two days - all I can do is try to keep busy, to keep my mind occupied. I have never been so accepting of work stress (temporarily) because it keeps me from moping, sulking, and crying.
Thankfully, I have a very busy few weeks ahead of me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)