Events

It has been a somewhat eventful weekend, and its only Saturday. Rewind.

A few weeks ago I met soon-to-be-ex-husband for lunch and a chat. As he walked me back to work, he said that as part of his twelve step programme, he has been identifying the people that he wronged and trying to make amends and if I wanted to, he wanted to talk with me about how much of an ass he was to me. Ok, I said, it might even be useful to me. We planned to meet today in the afternoon.

Yesterday evening, I had an absolute panic about it. Something set me off and I got angry and depressed, more so than I have felt in a long time. About anything. I wondered what the point was because it wasn't as though "sorry" in relation to the physical and emotional abuse and general shit-ness of everything that went down with us. I was angry and resentful and having a chat about it wouldn't make it go away. I spun out for a bit, then after hiding under the duvet for two hours and a shower, I felt better and went to meet T for a natter.

We ended up back at our local and who should I find, but E. Various friends and locals joined us throughout the evening and we had a good old time and got pissed. Come chucking out time at 2:30, a few of us decided to go back to E&G's to carry on the party.

Not long after we arrived, E and I disappeared and started snogging. I promise you, he instigated it, but I certainly didn't stop him. I ended up staying over and we fucked last night and then again this morning. There is something about him that really does it for me sexually - he is an unassumingly good fuck. We went out to breakfast, then parted ways for the day.

I went home feeling sheepish and like a naughty child an was slightly worried that as I had gotten him out of my head, I was doing myself in for getting him right back in there. I did feel nice and distracted for my scheduled meeting this afternoon, which I had to push back from 2 to 3pm because we didn't get out of bed until 12:30.

I then met The Ex and we talked, cried, drank tea, and got all sorts out of our system and talked about things that we had never properly talked about before. We ended by talking about bands each other should listen to, so it picked me up before I left.

On the walk back I realised that if I met him today, now that he is sober and well, I would fall for him in no time. It is a sort of nice feelings, but also a bit sad. It would be impossible for us to get back together, and even if we did, it would be a disaster of the highest proportion based on our past history.

Now off to meet good friend B for dinner and a catch up, before hitting the pub, hopefully for no more madness - I could do with a quiet night.