Ill

Sometimes I think I have a death wish. Twice this week I drank myself sick. And for what? The second time involved a boat party with a bunch of students. Maybe I felt out of my depth. Maybe since I have quit smoking I am downing alcohol more quickly. Maybe the nicotine replacements don't agree with me. Maybe my liver and other internal organs are screaming out for help. I wondered whether I was pregnant, but yesterday took a test in the WC of our local cafe over breakfast and only one blue line appeared. Whatever it is, it is making feel as though I am losing my youthful edge and am starting to slide somewhere scary and dark. I am not feeling particularly good about myself lately and it is hard to pin the origin of that down.