Ill

Sometimes I think I have a death wish. Twice this week I drank myself sick. And for what? The second time involved a boat party with a bunch of students. Maybe I felt out of my depth. Maybe since I have quit smoking I am downing alcohol more quickly. Maybe the nicotine replacements don't agree with me. Maybe my liver and other internal organs are screaming out for help. I wondered whether I was pregnant, but yesterday took a test in the WC of our local cafe over breakfast and only one blue line appeared. Whatever it is, it is making feel as though I am losing my youthful edge and am starting to slide somewhere scary and dark. I am not feeling particularly good about myself lately and it is hard to pin the origin of that down.

Monday night in style

Before even being able to find out whether E and I's Monday night of staying up having hot sex until the sun came up was still on the cards (it was almost two months ago that we last shagged), I got too drunk, was sick, and fell asleep in bed fully clothed while he happily chatted away with our friends in the lounge.

I would say its time to give up on this one and cast my net a bit further than my local.

Testing II

All tests were negative! Well, almost all tests. The lab "lost" my blood sample for the HIV test, so I had to repeat that. All is well though, as I had little concern about that one, it was just a matter of getting the whole work-up. Now, my resolutions are:

1. No more slip ups by not using a condom. I don't even know what I have been playing at over the last year, but sometimes I think I have gone crazy and developed some sort of self-destruction wish.

2. No more drunken (and probably not sober) one-night stands. For the time being at least. It does not make me feel good about myself and certainly hasn't gotten me any closer to finding a proper date.

3. If I am going to try to find a date, I need to start getting myself a further than my local. Get out, meet new people, and so on.

4. Stop feeling pathetic about being single for coming up on two years. My coworker explained that I should be happy to be single, as it reduced the chances that I will be murdered by a parter. Some 40% of women who are murdered are done so by a past or present partner. My odds are therefore looking alright at the moment.

And so, here we go.

Unwell

Apologies for the lack of posts, dear readers. I am feeling unwell, depressed, unmotivated, and rather pathetic.

Hopefully I'll snap out of it in good time.

Please bear with me in the mean time.

xx