On Friday night a group of us went to/met up at the Bethnal Green Working Man's Club for the final night of Hip Hip. As North Londoners, we don't tend to wander very far - the reason for this foray into East London was that E was a dancer in one of the many off-beat burlesque performances of the night. I, and indeed several others, were prepared to venture out of our local comfort zone to see what the heck this was about.
M, C&D (couple friends) and I arrived, having never been to the venue before, to an exciting crowd of oddly dressed folk - top hats, lounge suits, short dresses, lace, hats...No wonder - the website described the dress code as "Summer Lace vs Circus Chic with a twist of Tassle Tease and a pinch of Sparkle!" Bingo! My kind of night. Also, behind the stage was red curtains and a giant red light up heart. Sultry.
It was a small venue and it wasn't long before E&G found us. They were both in lounge suits - E had a mustache, G had a trilby that M pointed out made him look like a Mormon. Drinks all around and we chatted in various combinations until the show started. We collected L (of K&L) and T along the way.
The show was fantastic - women in lingerie, women in just knickers and nipple tassels dancing with fans, a hairy man doing a Gene Kelly impersonation, and so on. Fantastic. We cheered and whistled at the dancers and laughed a lot. E's group consisted of a pianist, a lady singer, and he and another bloke as back-up dancers acting out a gay parodic scene to the music. It was a grand old time.
The night livened up when L continued on her mission to get M to snog her, trying every trick in the book, including asking me for advice, to which I responded that she should leave it because M is straight. Not to be deterred, L decided to try to make M jealous by snogging a man - first E, when I was sat next to them. E was incredibly uncomfortable, while L was insistent, and I just laughed at the situation - a lesbian snogging the guy I was sort-of sleeping with. L told E that he had to relax and I just laughed harder.
After having a slow dance with G to the last songs of the night, we caught a taxi home, although E insisted on riding his bicycle. G came back to our flat for a nightcap and continued trying to try to get into M's pants, and continued to be unsuccessful.
Meanwhile, I went to bed alone.
Tuesday, 14 August 2007
Thursday, 9 August 2007
Testing
I finally got around to making an appointment for STI testing. Its been weighing on my mind over the last year, and in particular recently as there have been many news articles about the rise in STIs in Britain.
I arrived at the clinic at 5:30 - my appointment was at 6pm. The waiting rooms were separated by sex and there were anywhere between 8-12 women in the room at a time. I surveyed the other clients, read the London Paper, thought about my low level of responsibility over the last year, and then started to get sweaty palms and a quickened heart rate. A girl near me kept getting calls from her boyfriend and she kept telling him that she hadn't been seen yet. There was soft, yet slightly inappropriate music coming through a speaker - Barry White, Scissor Sisters, Tina Turner. Sweat broke out on my forehead and I had to concentrate on my breathing to prevent a panic attack while I thought of all the worst case scenarios.
I was finally called in and introduced to a male doctor who was likely from the Indian sub-continent. He was incredibly friendly, but that didn't stop my shakes. We went through a series of questions: When was the last time you had sex? Saturday. Did you use a condom? No. Was it vaginal, oral, or anal. Vaginal. Was this a regular partner, someone you know, or someone you met? Er, someone I met. And before that, when did you have a different partner? A week before that. Did you use a condom? No. Was it vaginal, oral or anal? Vaginal, and um oral. No anal? No. A regular partner, someone you know, or someone you met? Um, a semi-regular partner. And a different partner before that? About a month before that.
I struggled through the questions he fired at me in a kind sort of way - sex with anyone gay or bisexual? Sex with anyone from (list countries with high HIV rates). Intravenous drug use, etc. And how would you like to receive your results?
He then advised me to go back to the waiting room to be called in by a nurse. I sat for another 30 minutes. Finished the paper, started doing the soduko to keep my mind off it. I finished the easy quickly, then messed up the moderate and gave up because I was struggling to keep it together. I was thinking about how I had sex without the use of a condom with four different people in the last year and though only two came in me, that doesn't mean much to infections.
I looked at my watch - it was five minutes since I last looked. I craved a fag and a drink to calm my nerves. I listened to Bob Marley on the radio. I looked at the posters that showed young girls saying:
He said: Its like sucking a sweet with the wrapper on.
You say: If you want it to be sweet, keep it wrapped.
I was finally called in. The nurse took two vials of blood and in the middle asked me whether I was dizzy. No, I mumbled, fine. I then got into the stirrups to have three swabs taken, while she chatted away about why they don't recommend douching (who does that, anyway?).
I was done, result would be posted in the next two to three weeks. I stepped out, still sweaty and anxious, walked straight to the shop to get some fags. I thought about buying an alcoholic drink to consume while I walked, but thought better of it. I passed two pubs and finally stopped at the third - an old Irish pub with two men at the bar, ordered a double vodka and tonic, sat outside, rolled a cigarette and smoked and drank for the next five minutes before continuing on.
I'm feeling a bit better, though still slightly distressed. I must get my act together so I don't have that kind of panic again. I need to be responsible again. I'm not the superstitious type, but what the fuck - keep you fingers crossed for me and my results.
I arrived at the clinic at 5:30 - my appointment was at 6pm. The waiting rooms were separated by sex and there were anywhere between 8-12 women in the room at a time. I surveyed the other clients, read the London Paper, thought about my low level of responsibility over the last year, and then started to get sweaty palms and a quickened heart rate. A girl near me kept getting calls from her boyfriend and she kept telling him that she hadn't been seen yet. There was soft, yet slightly inappropriate music coming through a speaker - Barry White, Scissor Sisters, Tina Turner. Sweat broke out on my forehead and I had to concentrate on my breathing to prevent a panic attack while I thought of all the worst case scenarios.
I was finally called in and introduced to a male doctor who was likely from the Indian sub-continent. He was incredibly friendly, but that didn't stop my shakes. We went through a series of questions: When was the last time you had sex? Saturday. Did you use a condom? No. Was it vaginal, oral, or anal. Vaginal. Was this a regular partner, someone you know, or someone you met? Er, someone I met. And before that, when did you have a different partner? A week before that. Did you use a condom? No. Was it vaginal, oral or anal? Vaginal, and um oral. No anal? No. A regular partner, someone you know, or someone you met? Um, a semi-regular partner. And a different partner before that? About a month before that.
I struggled through the questions he fired at me in a kind sort of way - sex with anyone gay or bisexual? Sex with anyone from (list countries with high HIV rates). Intravenous drug use, etc. And how would you like to receive your results?
He then advised me to go back to the waiting room to be called in by a nurse. I sat for another 30 minutes. Finished the paper, started doing the soduko to keep my mind off it. I finished the easy quickly, then messed up the moderate and gave up because I was struggling to keep it together. I was thinking about how I had sex without the use of a condom with four different people in the last year and though only two came in me, that doesn't mean much to infections.
I looked at my watch - it was five minutes since I last looked. I craved a fag and a drink to calm my nerves. I listened to Bob Marley on the radio. I looked at the posters that showed young girls saying:
He said: Its like sucking a sweet with the wrapper on.
You say: If you want it to be sweet, keep it wrapped.
I was finally called in. The nurse took two vials of blood and in the middle asked me whether I was dizzy. No, I mumbled, fine. I then got into the stirrups to have three swabs taken, while she chatted away about why they don't recommend douching (who does that, anyway?).
I was done, result would be posted in the next two to three weeks. I stepped out, still sweaty and anxious, walked straight to the shop to get some fags. I thought about buying an alcoholic drink to consume while I walked, but thought better of it. I passed two pubs and finally stopped at the third - an old Irish pub with two men at the bar, ordered a double vodka and tonic, sat outside, rolled a cigarette and smoked and drank for the next five minutes before continuing on.
I'm feeling a bit better, though still slightly distressed. I must get my act together so I don't have that kind of panic again. I need to be responsible again. I'm not the superstitious type, but what the fuck - keep you fingers crossed for me and my results.
Monday, 6 August 2007
Tea
Saturday progressed nicely, with the gang back in Camden for drinks in the beer garden of the Oxford Arms, then off to the Dublin Castle for dancing. By the time they closed at 2 or 3, we weren't done yet. We had reduced to a group of about 8 of us and went on a mission back to T's flat for more drinking and dancing in his living room.
I don't quite remember how it came about, but Mo (a guy I've met two or three times) ended up in T's garden with me on my back on a bench and him going down on me. I don't dare tell T about that aspect of the night.
We went back in and people starting drifting off to bed and falling asleep on the couches. Mo and I left and as we walked to my flat in the daylight (it was well past 5) he would occasionally grab me and push me up against a car for a snog and a grope. We finally got home and again he went down on me until I told him that I was tired and just wanted to sleep.
Went to sleep at 6 and woke up at 10 and again he became very enthusiastic about going down on me. I was laying there thinking about the fact that I really wanted a cup of tea, but feeling unable to broach the subject with his head between my legs. We ended up fucking, but not because I particularly wanted to, but because it seemed like the quickest way to get what I wanted - my morning cuppa. I am now still feeling slightly sheepish and annoyed with myself about this, especially since we didn't use a condom. I am very unimpressed with myself and still feeling a bit rubbish about it, but so it goes - live and learn.
I finally got my cup of tea, he got dressed and as he was leaving he said "So, do you want my number?" "Err, well, you can take mine if you want it." Off he went.
I am left feeling a bit strange - he is cute, smart and funny, but I am completely uninterested, and indeed a bit put off. Circumstances are everything.
I don't quite remember how it came about, but Mo (a guy I've met two or three times) ended up in T's garden with me on my back on a bench and him going down on me. I don't dare tell T about that aspect of the night.
We went back in and people starting drifting off to bed and falling asleep on the couches. Mo and I left and as we walked to my flat in the daylight (it was well past 5) he would occasionally grab me and push me up against a car for a snog and a grope. We finally got home and again he went down on me until I told him that I was tired and just wanted to sleep.
Went to sleep at 6 and woke up at 10 and again he became very enthusiastic about going down on me. I was laying there thinking about the fact that I really wanted a cup of tea, but feeling unable to broach the subject with his head between my legs. We ended up fucking, but not because I particularly wanted to, but because it seemed like the quickest way to get what I wanted - my morning cuppa. I am now still feeling slightly sheepish and annoyed with myself about this, especially since we didn't use a condom. I am very unimpressed with myself and still feeling a bit rubbish about it, but so it goes - live and learn.
I finally got my cup of tea, he got dressed and as he was leaving he said "So, do you want my number?" "Err, well, you can take mine if you want it." Off he went.
I am left feeling a bit strange - he is cute, smart and funny, but I am completely uninterested, and indeed a bit put off. Circumstances are everything.
Saturday, 4 August 2007
i heart london
Now that it is August it is finally warm and dry (for the weekend at least - rain is back from Sunday night). Last night I met my friend B, an absolutely lovely chap, for after work drinks in Camden. His flatmate then turned up, with his german girlfriend and we lounged in the sun on the deck of Lock 17 in Camden with beverages. We then moved onto the Hawley Arms for one drink, then trecked up to Enterprise, where they had a DJ playing motown. B's flatmate and girlfriend left, by this time it was about 10pm and we had been drinking from 5:30 with no food, so we went and searched out a fantastic chinese dumpling place, where he ordered another bottle of wine.
M and my conclusions from the morning were confirmed when I told Barry that I had a urinary tract infection and he had no idea what it was. "You mean you have never had a girlfriend who has had one?!" "No, not that I was aware of" "Ahhhg. Men have NO idea."
We finished our meal and couldn't finish our wine, parted ways with affectionate words for each other and went to our respective homes to sleep.
This morning M and I went to the Hayward Gallery to see the Antony Gormley exhibition. I can't describe it other than to say that it was fucking amazing. Blind Light blew our minds and we loved the sculptures. Standing on the roof of the Hayward counting the castes of his body that were perched on buildings and bridges. We found about 17 - there were 31. It was surreal.
Down below on the ground were at least a dozen young, fit men doing flips and jumps to the cheers of a crowd. It was a beautiful sunny day and everyone was happy.
We then wandered over to the Tate Britain to see The Way We Are photography exhibit that E got me free tickets for. Again, it was fantastic and I bought a postcard and a book detailing the origins of all the names of Underground stations. woo!
Back home for a rest before going out for the last round of T's birthday drinks, again in Camden. Another plus to the day, a very cute girl on the online dating site messages me saying she wanted to get together. On the off chance that she got the message in time and that she had not plans for tonight, I've invited her out. I won't hold my breath though.
Today has been a great day, and its not even over yet.
M and my conclusions from the morning were confirmed when I told Barry that I had a urinary tract infection and he had no idea what it was. "You mean you have never had a girlfriend who has had one?!" "No, not that I was aware of" "Ahhhg. Men have NO idea."
We finished our meal and couldn't finish our wine, parted ways with affectionate words for each other and went to our respective homes to sleep.
This morning M and I went to the Hayward Gallery to see the Antony Gormley exhibition. I can't describe it other than to say that it was fucking amazing. Blind Light blew our minds and we loved the sculptures. Standing on the roof of the Hayward counting the castes of his body that were perched on buildings and bridges. We found about 17 - there were 31. It was surreal.
Down below on the ground were at least a dozen young, fit men doing flips and jumps to the cheers of a crowd. It was a beautiful sunny day and everyone was happy.
We then wandered over to the Tate Britain to see The Way We Are photography exhibit that E got me free tickets for. Again, it was fantastic and I bought a postcard and a book detailing the origins of all the names of Underground stations. woo!
Back home for a rest before going out for the last round of T's birthday drinks, again in Camden. Another plus to the day, a very cute girl on the online dating site messages me saying she wanted to get together. On the off chance that she got the message in time and that she had not plans for tonight, I've invited her out. I won't hold my breath though.
Today has been a great day, and its not even over yet.
Thursday, 2 August 2007
cast of characters
In case this is getting confusing, or for those joining us recently, here is the cast of reoccurring characters in this blog (one night stands not included):
Me, Tereza - 26, single, soon-to-be-divorcee (separated for over 1.5 years), bisexual, living in and loving North London, bored of being single and trying rather unsuccessfully to get beyond the status of fuck-buddy with a few choice people (see E and S below).
KT - 23, female, flatmate (although spending the summer home in America), straight, music post-grad student, in a long-distance relationship with a guy in America.
M - 26, female, flatmate for the summer, straight, post-grad student, we've known each other since we were 4, in a long-distance relationship with a guy in America (though I doubt it will last long when she returned).
T - 33, male, best male buddy, straight, single, won't tell me when he last got laid (but it's definitely over a year ago).
E - one half of the E&G double-act, 31 in a few days, male, straight, single (but broken hearted an therefore emotionally unavailable), my fortnightly fuck-buddy.
G - the other half of the double-act, 33, male, straight, single, lovely and cute but inept with women, unsure of when he last got laid but suspect its been a while, hits on my flatmates but tends to get shot down.
S - 33, female, bisexual, has psychotic ex-boyfriend, my drunk snog friend that i sort of fancy.
K&L - a lesbian couple, 21 and 33 respectively, fun but slightly insane, tried seducing M but as mentioned above she is straight and it was therefore unsuccessful.
P&R - a heterosexual couple, 33 male and 28 female respectively, married, play twisted mind games with most people involving jealously and desire, both of questionable sexual orientation.
Get it? Good.
Me, Tereza - 26, single, soon-to-be-divorcee (separated for over 1.5 years), bisexual, living in and loving North London, bored of being single and trying rather unsuccessfully to get beyond the status of fuck-buddy with a few choice people (see E and S below).
KT - 23, female, flatmate (although spending the summer home in America), straight, music post-grad student, in a long-distance relationship with a guy in America.
M - 26, female, flatmate for the summer, straight, post-grad student, we've known each other since we were 4, in a long-distance relationship with a guy in America (though I doubt it will last long when she returned).
T - 33, male, best male buddy, straight, single, won't tell me when he last got laid (but it's definitely over a year ago).
E - one half of the E&G double-act, 31 in a few days, male, straight, single (but broken hearted an therefore emotionally unavailable), my fortnightly fuck-buddy.
G - the other half of the double-act, 33, male, straight, single, lovely and cute but inept with women, unsure of when he last got laid but suspect its been a while, hits on my flatmates but tends to get shot down.
S - 33, female, bisexual, has psychotic ex-boyfriend, my drunk snog friend that i sort of fancy.
K&L - a lesbian couple, 21 and 33 respectively, fun but slightly insane, tried seducing M but as mentioned above she is straight and it was therefore unsuccessful.
P&R - a heterosexual couple, 33 male and 28 female respectively, married, play twisted mind games with most people involving jealously and desire, both of questionable sexual orientation.
Get it? Good.
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
"I like you but..."
Was the theme of my weekend.
Saturday was T's housewarming. He had gotten it into his head that it would be a quiet gathering, but no - it was rocking until the sun came up, despite the fact that he and his other flatmates went to bed. It became a girl on girl snog fest - me and S was all I recalled myself having partaken in. Flatmate M was seduced by a lesbian with a jealous kung-fu fighting girlfriend, and they swapped dressed, had lots of pashes, then she followed M home like a puppy, whilst I chastised her - she lived in the opposite direction and after all, M is straight. M also recalled the next day having had a snog with R and indeed it was her and P's 6 year wedding anniversary. How charming.
Unfortunately, on Monday night, R insisted that she had a snog with me and not M. I clearly didn't remember and she was offended, much to my amusement.
At one point I dragged S by the hand into T's room so we could have a chat. I can't recall what I said because my head was swimming in a sea of vodka, but it was probably sometime to the effect that I thought she was lovely and I fancied her, to which I got the old "I like you but I can't......" I don't even remember the reason, I tuned out by that point. Maybe it has something to do with her psychotic ex boyfriend who she is on the verge of being tangled up with restraining orders and lawsuits with, and who incidentally, contacted me on myspace yesterday. If I knew better, I would stay far far away, but alas, I don't.
Sunday was spent recovering in the park - the weather has actually picked up in time for August. M was feeling sheepish and nauseas, I was feeling physically injured (cut finger while trying to slice limes and some mystery bruises on knee and elbow), but in good spirits. M swore that she would never drink again and we teased her about swapping dresses with K and being hunted down by above-mentioned kung-fu fighting jealous girlfriend. I felt I had a tame night in comparison.
Monday night rolled around and off we went to the pub. P&R were boring me, but it was occasionally funny to hear them tease M about Saturday night. G eventually turned up and relayed his hectic drink filled week with great enthusiasm. We came second in the pub quiz, got drink vouchers, and stayed until the landlord chucked us out, but only after having tried to convince him to let us stay because as of midnight, it was T's birthday. At some point, E turned up.
As me, M, E, and G walked back towards our flats, G kindly gave M her jumper to stay warm - we therefore convinced them to walk up to our flat, then bullied them into coming in for a drink. Whiskey and wine for three - M was still off the booze, so was slightly bemused by G's drunken advances.
E and I whilst on the balcony sharing a cigarette had a talk that went like this:
E - "normally I would really be going for you - you're cute, clever, funny, nice etc...but"
Me - "Yes...the infamous but...."
E- - "...but you caught me at a difficult time in my life."
At this point, I was completely expecting him to go home when G left, but no, he stayed even though I didn't even ask him to. We stayed up talking shit for a few more hours until I said I had to go to bed. We got into bed, and now typically, stayed up fucking until the sun came up and I had to put a stop to it because I had to get up for work soon.
Why does this always happen on a weeknight? I told him he was a bad influence on me, but he just reversed the statement.
I supposed despite the "I like you but..."s, things could be much much worse.
Saturday was T's housewarming. He had gotten it into his head that it would be a quiet gathering, but no - it was rocking until the sun came up, despite the fact that he and his other flatmates went to bed. It became a girl on girl snog fest - me and S was all I recalled myself having partaken in. Flatmate M was seduced by a lesbian with a jealous kung-fu fighting girlfriend, and they swapped dressed, had lots of pashes, then she followed M home like a puppy, whilst I chastised her - she lived in the opposite direction and after all, M is straight. M also recalled the next day having had a snog with R and indeed it was her and P's 6 year wedding anniversary. How charming.
Unfortunately, on Monday night, R insisted that she had a snog with me and not M. I clearly didn't remember and she was offended, much to my amusement.
At one point I dragged S by the hand into T's room so we could have a chat. I can't recall what I said because my head was swimming in a sea of vodka, but it was probably sometime to the effect that I thought she was lovely and I fancied her, to which I got the old "I like you but I can't......" I don't even remember the reason, I tuned out by that point. Maybe it has something to do with her psychotic ex boyfriend who she is on the verge of being tangled up with restraining orders and lawsuits with, and who incidentally, contacted me on myspace yesterday. If I knew better, I would stay far far away, but alas, I don't.
Sunday was spent recovering in the park - the weather has actually picked up in time for August. M was feeling sheepish and nauseas, I was feeling physically injured (cut finger while trying to slice limes and some mystery bruises on knee and elbow), but in good spirits. M swore that she would never drink again and we teased her about swapping dresses with K and being hunted down by above-mentioned kung-fu fighting jealous girlfriend. I felt I had a tame night in comparison.
Monday night rolled around and off we went to the pub. P&R were boring me, but it was occasionally funny to hear them tease M about Saturday night. G eventually turned up and relayed his hectic drink filled week with great enthusiasm. We came second in the pub quiz, got drink vouchers, and stayed until the landlord chucked us out, but only after having tried to convince him to let us stay because as of midnight, it was T's birthday. At some point, E turned up.
As me, M, E, and G walked back towards our flats, G kindly gave M her jumper to stay warm - we therefore convinced them to walk up to our flat, then bullied them into coming in for a drink. Whiskey and wine for three - M was still off the booze, so was slightly bemused by G's drunken advances.
E and I whilst on the balcony sharing a cigarette had a talk that went like this:
E - "normally I would really be going for you - you're cute, clever, funny, nice etc...but"
Me - "Yes...the infamous but...."
E- - "...but you caught me at a difficult time in my life."
At this point, I was completely expecting him to go home when G left, but no, he stayed even though I didn't even ask him to. We stayed up talking shit for a few more hours until I said I had to go to bed. We got into bed, and now typically, stayed up fucking until the sun came up and I had to put a stop to it because I had to get up for work soon.
Why does this always happen on a weeknight? I told him he was a bad influence on me, but he just reversed the statement.
I supposed despite the "I like you but..."s, things could be much much worse.
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