WTF

2 months ago at a gig in Islington I met a guy - S. I was exceedingly drunk and don't recall how I started talking to him, but before long we were having a pash. I took his number, but didn't realise he also took mine. My mates tore me away from him eventually to go on to our local. The next morning I deleted his number, thinking that I would not want to meet someone again that I met when I was that drunk - and indeed, I didn't remember anything about our conversation.

I thought no more of it, until 3 weeks later when I received a mysterious text message saying "Hi T, what are you up to tonight? Don't offend me by not knowing who it is, just fake it." After a bit of banter, I established his identity and remembered the encounter, but not the details.

We texted for several weeks, but were never able to meet up - he was in Amsterdam, I was in Italy, back to Amsterdam, etc. With some persuading from friends, I invited him out last night to catch him before he was off to Holland again (for work, ostensibly).

He managed to find me in the Roxy around 1am and we tried to talk over the noise about music, work, travel and so on. Hand on arm, hand on back, leaning in - it was actually quite some time before we snogged and then even only fleeting - I think he was trying to be a tease and was succeeding. We danced, talked, snogged - hand on leg, hand on ass.

In my current state of sexual frustration, I decided he would be a good shag, and if can make such predictions, and suggested we leave. We had a back and forth about whether to go to his or to mine, but settled on mine. We were at the bus stop, waiting for some time for the night bus - I was sobering up and having second thoughts - the first night in two weeks when I would be able to sleep alone in my room might involve waking up next to someone I don't really know, and I never like "the morning after". He seemed able to sense my hesitation, which he noted. I made a comment about all the "things I have to do tomorrow" and said something stupid about how maybe we should be sensible to do this another time. He hopped on a bus, and mine came a moment later.

I had thought at the time that he had been understanding, we had a goodbye snog and I thought everything was fine and even considered sending him a text on the way home saying that I'd had a good time. When I got home I received a text from him - "Slightly baffled what happened there, but never mind. all the best." That is an "I'm never going to see you again" text if I've ever seen one. I responded to try to smooth it over, but not had a response and he is off to Amsterdam today.

I woke up today though pleased with my decision, pleased to wake up alone, not having to deal with the morning after and having some time to myself. Also entirely frustrated with men.