Captain Barbossa

My inspiration to start this record came from last weekend.

Background:
My flatmate convinced me to sign up for a free online dating site. This is how she met her current boyfriend, who she is devastatingly in love with (despite the Atlantic Ocean separating them at present). "Go ahead" she said "It is a good way to meet new friends." So I joined. I uploaded some photos and prepared my profile, which included the statement, "I drink coffee in the shower and wine in the bath." I received the following message through the site:

"I can picture myself having a coffee in the tube (in a proper espresso china should be understood), riding a bike (hands off the handles), in the rain (à la Gene Kelly), in the middle of a riot, during an emergency evacuation, skydiving, in the hospital in coma (this will of mine shall be known of my friends) even in the peak of WWI inside the trenches under german artillery fire, but....

...in the shower??

Am impressed."

I was of course impressed. I checked out his profile and I actually thought he was cute. There was a photo of him dressed as a pirate with a stuffed rabbit on his shoulder. This made me laugh incessantly. We sent back and forth a few messages, then started regularly chatting online - for between 1-3 hours at a time - about books, music, our shared lack of understanding of "the game" as played by the english...

After a few weeks of this, we met this past Saturday. We decided to see a Saturday matinee of The Last King of Scotland (which was fantastic). We drank coffee, chatted, were late to the movie, went to a cafe, carried on talking. He was the sort of person that I thought I wanted to sleep with within about five minutes of meeting him. After a lovely afternoon, all of the sudden, he realised he was late for a work dinner so he had to jet off, with the parting note that we should meet again.

At about 10 that evening (we had parted at about 6:30) I received the following text:
"Help! Everybody in the dinner speaking bloody german. So bored! About to insult everybody and say have to go home cos i forgot my pills for the tourette syndrome!"

SO, me being me, and bearing in mind that I had been incredibly attracted to the guy, invited him to come for a drink with me and my flatmate.

(Story detour: Because I was so charmed by his sexy pirate photo, and later found out that his surname was the same name as a certain character from the Pirates of the Carribean, my flatmate dubbed him Pirate Boy.)

He agreed to come for a drink, but on the proviso that he could only stay for a half hour, because he needed to catch his train back home. Well, half hour came and went and it was decided that he would crash at ours. Whilst at the pub, my flatmate thought she saw someone we had met once before. I went on a round to see if I recognised him. When I returned, my flatmate (KT) was telling Pirate Boy about how I had shagged the above mentioned guy's friend, R (more on that later). Slightly awkward. Moment passed and we carried on drinking, did a bit of dancing (he dances like a bloody scarecrow!) and then went home about 1:30am. More drinking ensued and there was even a tequila shot thrown in.

Me, KT, and Pirate Boy sat in our lounge, talking about sex of course. Somehow KT managed to bring up another guy I had shagged - a mutual friend A. She proceeded to explain how A was a fan of my sexual style. Again, slightly awkward conversation to be having with a guy that I fancied, but so it goes.

KT went to bed. Pirate Boy and I went into my room and lounged around listening to music. I felt determined not to make the first move. And, neither did he make a move. We were up until almost 5am talking, then both crashed in my bed with nothing more than a bit of a cuddle. Until the next morning...

The following morning, I felt that erotic hand-stroking-my-back. I turned my head, and, well one thing led to another until he asked if I had any condoms in the house. KT and I have had the discussion before that we SHOULD have condoms in the house, but never quite got around to buying them. So, I said there were none, but offered to go to the shop. His head between my legs convinces me that I should in fact go to the shop.

I threw on some clothes, left the room and went to get my wallet, only to find I had no cash. Knock knock on KT's door.
Me: "Um, got any cash?"
KT: "I don't think so, why?"
Me: "You don't want to know..."
KT: "Spill it"

So, I explained my 9:30am condom call. She found a few quid and bid me good luck. Off I went into the bright outdoors. What a beautiful day! I almost forgot that I was going to get laid for the first time in 4 months and was ready to just go sit in the park. I passed a church, with everyone entering for mass (It was 9:45 on Sunday morning) and arrived at my local shop. I grabbed a litre of grapefruit juice and went to the counter. "Um. Can I have... the durex extra thins?"

Arrived back home and Pirate Boy ripped my clothes off. When we finished, he fell asleep and I went into the living room and watched two episodes of the L Word with KT. time for breakfast. Woke up Pirate Boy, had another round of sex before we set off to the cafe.

During breakfast, Pirate Boy brought up the concept of the "naff shag". KT and I looked confused and he therefore explained that the naff shag is the person that you would not normally sleep with, but might sleep with under the right circumstances. I must admit, I found this a slightly uncomfortable conversation bearing in mind that we had shagged about two hours previously.

Nonetheless, the conversation continued:
Pirate Boy: "KT, who is your naff shag?"
KT: "I would sleep with anyone under the right circumstances."

We went on to debate the relative merits of the naff shag versus the booty call. By this time I had gone off Pirate Boy. I was ready for this date to be done, but fucking typical - he forgot his watch at my flat. Finally at about 3:30pm ( 25.5 hours after we first met), he went on his way with a peck goodbye.

It makes me wonder why it is that after I sleep with someone, I lose interest. All week I have been avoiding making contact, but awaiting his next move. After a few flippant texts, on thursday we went back to having a long chat online, and what did I do? But invite him over on Friday night because we are having a party. He said he is coming and asked whether he can crash here.

I, of course, said yes.